“Mama, I’m nervous and scared” – First Day Of Exams For Ayub

“Mama, I’m nervous and scared.”

Ayub attends a small private school that caters to kids on the autism spectrum. Today marks the first day of end-of-term exams.

“I can’t rememberise* all the words,” Ayub tells me.

For the past two weeks, Ayub has been revising for his exams. Every day after school, he showers, has lunch, then goes through his notes and books and questions and answers.

And every day, he will tell me, “Mama, I’m nervous and scared. I can’t rememberise all the words.”

So we revise together. And rememberise together. He quizzes me and I quiz him. Whenever he gets an answer wrong, his emotions of disappointment and failure pour out of him.

“It’s so hard,” he says. “I can’t do it.”

But he’s already doing it. And I’m so proud of him.

I hate exams. I think they’re a dumb way to test a child’s knowledge. I think the need to even test a child’s knowledge is a waste of time. Time that would be better spent learning through exploration and play.

So I tell Ayub that exams are just one way of helping a person learn, but it’s not the only way. That no matter what the outcome, it’s the preparation and journey, the building of good habits, that really matter.

I was great at exams in school. I’d skip classes, hardly bother to do homework, then get an A on the final exam, which would count for like 90% of my grade.

Not because I was smarter or better than my classmates. But because I was good at exams. You know what I mean?

Nice report card but terrible lifelong habits of procrastination and just overall being a lazy human. That shit follows you through adulthood and it is hard to unlearn lol.

But not Ayub.

His grit and determination to truly do his best. The way he added revision, an utterly boring thing, into his daily routine so seamlessly and stuck to it.

I’m just so impressed.

He’s building such good habits that I hope will stay with him throughout his life.

And though I’ve explained this to him, he can’t quite understand it yet.

So until then, I can only offer him hugs and comfort.

Good luck Ayub! You’re already a success to me! 

*Ayub’s language and communications skills are different from NT individuals and he often confuses words or creates new ones. Rememberise is his way of saying remember and memorise. I think it’s kinda cool.