With my pregnancy with Ayub, I gained 15kg, lost 10 and kept 5. With my…
This Is What It’s Like To Be 4 Weeks Pregnant
It’s shit. I feel like shit. Everything is shitty. I am a sad shit. The only thing that’s not shitty is my actual shit. I am so constipated, it sucks so bad. All I want it to take a shit. Ugh.
OK shitty rant over.
I suppose its not that bad. Death is probably worse. Different pregnancy, different symptoms. This one is marked by a ridiculous amount of trapped wind that just leaves me incredibly bloated (like 8 months pregnant belly bloated so nasty), so uncomfortable (I feel like puking in the following positions: lying, sitting, standing, walking, running, bent over the toilet actually puking), I lost my train of thought.
You know how people talk about sharting? Like when you think you need to fart but it’s actually a shit? I got vorping. Purking? Purping?
I think I need to burp but instead a firestorm of hot liquid vomit erupts from my face hole. It’s the worst.
Aisha had green jelly that turned her tongue green.
And like usually, my pregnancy symptoms only hit me at 6-8+ weeks. And those symptoms were like massive boobs, more discharge, and fantastic hair.
This pregnancy, baby is all like I AM FETUS HEAR ME ROAR! Gaddamn. 4 weeks in and I’m feeling it. That’s 4 weeks since the first day of my last period. Which means this little ninja seed is like 2 weeks old. Wtf. I’m so proud.
Mr Ninja has been wonderful. He only annoys me a little. Mostly he just massages my feet, head, back, neck, and hands. Oh, he also brushes my hair, which I love. Aisha helps too. She’s very helpful. She loves whacking me on the head with a hairbrush while shouting “AISHA HEP YOUUUUU”.
My back hurts. My tits hurt. Omg my tits hurt a lot. I crai.
Oh yeah, I totally fucked up with aisha. This is a reaaaaaally long story but basically aisha is my only child that I successfully breastfed and it was such a huge deal for me that I happily stuck my boob in her mouth at every opportunity. Had no goals on weaning. Just let her do whatever she wanted. Figured she would just wean herself when she’s ready.
Hmm this is super rambling. I think I will save it for a separate post when my head feels better and not like it just came out of a toilet (I legit stopped writing this to go puke just now).
I don’t have pictures of anything I’m blogging about so just look at how cute me and Aisha were last month before I got pregnant.
Things to do before baby arrives:
1. Wean aisha
2. Sleep train aisha
3. Potty train aisha
4. Make more money
5. Buy a bigger house
6. Become a multimillionaire
All the symptoms I’m feeling now
- trapped wind – so uncomfortable, leads to lots of puking
- nausea – so gross, leads to lots of puking
- heightened sense of smell – omg, everything stinks, how do people live like this? leads to lots of puking
- sensitive boobs – ugh they hurt so bad and Aisha still wants to suckle
- lots of puking – relentless
- tired – zzz
- painful back – 🙁
- headaches – :(((
- super constipated – :((((((((
Two things I’m looking forward to at the end of January:
1. Cute, itty bitty, squishy baby
2. Pooping
Here’s a video of Aisha singing a song about me:
In case you missed the lyrics:
“Mama, where are you?
Here I am, here I am, how do you do?
BLEURGH!”
Followed by… HAHAHAHAAHA SO FUNNY!
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